It has been 19 months now since we said goodbye to Thomas and time does not heal. Time makes it feel worse. The world keeps turning and we have to keep turning with it whether we like it or not. What is the alternative? I guess we don't have to like it though. Some days I'm ok and others I just want to run screaming and crying. I said once, "I'm sick of my new life, I want my old one back". This new life lacks so much that we once had, the main thing being Thomas of course but it lacks so much life. You smile when you need to, laugh at the right time and to the outside world nothing is wrong. But inside is just a black hole, a never ending mass of sadness and loneliness. How can you be surrounded by people most of the day and yet still feel so lonely?
I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. A silly statement but it's how I feel most days.
I so don't want this blog to be full of me whining. I don't want people to start to read this and not finish because I have depressed them so much. I do want to write about nice things too. Please don't give up on it yet. I'm sure I can find the good things too. Maybe I'll put up some happy photos, tell you some funny stories about Thomas and we can smile together.
If anyone reading this does know us and remembers a funny story, please post it in your comments. I would love to read it.
So, from my next post on I will start to write about our life. I can't promise I won't slip the odd sad moment in there but I will try very hard to keep it to a minimum :-)
I will keep up to date with my posting, add photos and try and make it a place where I can just talk, good and bad and people want to read it.
There, I've had my little vent and I'm going to try and do better. Thomas would want that and I don't want to let him down. I want him to look down at me from wherever he is up there (Still struggling with that whole thing) and be proud of his mum. I want to honour his memory and keep it alive.
Thank you for reading, if you got this far ha ha!
Hugs and kisses
xxoo
